This article reports a study of the experiences of school leavers with social, emotional and behavioural difficulties (SEBD), which identified supportive relationships as key elements in young people demonstrating resilience through this transitional period. Almost all the young people involved in the study had access to potential helpers, but few managed to establish productive relationships with them. Analysis of interviews, conducted over a 15 month period with a group of 15 school leavers, their parents and those who worked with them, suggested that barriers and facilitators to relationship development existed at two levels: institutional and individual. This article focuses on the individual level, in which identity processes appear to play a key role. These processes are used to explain why some school leavers built productive relationships and thrived, whilst many failed to do so, and struggled. These findings have implications for policy, practice and theory.