This paper focuses on the wildly successful blockbuster "American Pie" teenpics, especially "American Pie 3--The Wedding". I argue that these films are specifically designed to appeal to teenage male audiences, and to provide lessons in sex and romance. Movies like this are especially important as they are experienced by far more teenagers than, for example, instructional films or other classroom materials; indeed, as Henry Giroux has observed, "Learning in the postmodern age is located...in popular spheres that shape their identities, through forms of knowledge and desires that appear absent from what is taught in schools". I discuss whether the "American Pie" series is actually a "new age" effort that, via insubordinate performances of gender, contests the hegemonic field of signification that regulates the production of sex, gender and desire, or whether it is a retrogressive hetero-conservative opus with a veneer of sexual radicalism. I probe whether this filmic vector for sex education is about the shaping of responsible, caring, vulnerable men, or is it guiding them to be like their heterosexual, middle-class fathers? And whether, despite its riotous and raunchy advertising, "American Pie" dishes up something spicy or something terribly wholesome instead. (Contains 2 notes.)