Value-added models have become popular fixes for various accountability schemes aimed at measuring teacher effectiveness. Value-added models may resolve some of the issues in accountability models, but they bring their own set of challenges to the table. Unfortunately, political and emotional considerations sometimes keep one from examining value-added models carefully. To make it easier to scrutinize them objectively, the author presents an allegory that places them in a noneducational context. A story about a foster parent who tries to find out how his effectiveness is measured serves as an allegory for the problems that beset many value-added teacher assessment models.