In this paper, I respond to the call to articulate experiences of the messy realities of participatory research. I reflect on my engagement and struggle with the realities and ethics of a piece of case study research, which set out with a participatory approach. The project involved a group of young people from an isolated rural community who appeared to be disconnecting from their secondary school. The research set out to develop understanding of the ways in which young people make connections (or not) in and with school, in order to further understanding of how schools might become more inclusive. A series of reflections on moments during the early stages of the research led to a significant shift in the methodological approach. The approach of this project eventually moved away from participatory research to an approach informed by Foucault's "ethical project". Here, the focus is on the subjection and practices of the researcher. I argue that, on reflection, the "ethical project" framework was more appropriate for this kind of research, where the complexities of participatory research were reducing the transparency of complex power structures.