The purpose of this phenomenological study was to explore the "lived experience" of choral music teacher educators (MTEs) in hybrid positions at tier 1 research universities. After interviews with eight choral MTEs from across the United States, three themes emerged from our data: inseparable identity components, reciprocity of selves, and externally derived tension. Inseparable identity components described the ways in which participants sought to align the components of their job with their holistic teacher-researcher-conductor identities. Reciprocity of selves referred to how participants' teacher, researcher, and conductor selves informed and were informed by each other. Finally, participants maintained security in their own holistic sense of self but experienced externally derived tension as they navigated the structural divide of performance and education in higher education.