This essay seeks to contribute to the critical reception of "Bloom's Taxonomy of Educational Objectives" by tracing the Taxonomy's underlying philosophical assumptions. Identifying Bloom's work as consistent with the legacy of Cartesian thought, I argue that its hierarchy of behavioral objectives provides a framework for certainty and communicability in ascertaining student learning. However, its implicit rejection of intuitive knowledge as well as its antagonism between the human subject and the known object promote the Enlightenment ideal of education as "intellectual work." When embodied in the Taxonomy, Cartesian assumptions foster a fundamental disposition in front of reality that is ultimately alienating. The paper begins with an explication of the Taxonomy's affordances and philosophical assumptions. I then identify the Cartesian elements of these assumptions, particularly the Taxonomy's inherent mind-body dualism and primacy of method. Finally, the paper employs these elements as an explanatory factor for the predominant critiques of the Taxonomy in educational theory literature. An addendum questions the possibility or plausibility of distance from objectives frameworks in the contemporary classroom.