The purpose of the article is to discuss the glittering, bejeweled, daring, illegitimate stepsister of questionable character in the collegiate environment: the department of athletics. The author argues how this stepsister might become legitimate if the product of athletics were viewed and valued differently. An argument is presented that if football or all other athletic sports became majors, the effects would demand major changes in how athletics are practiced in the university regarding coach education, coach hiring, athlete education, and salaries and ethical practice. The illegitimate stepsister might then become legitimate and valued.