Constructivism is presented as the inexorable denouement of the qualitative versus quantitative paradigm war. Postmodernism is equated with constructivism, then deconstructed and critiqued in light of rhetorical strategy. The problem of universals is discussed and the solution is elaborated into objectivist pedagogy. Elkind (2005) is cited as an exemplar of postmodern doublespeak and, accordingly, logically refuted. The article concludes that a constructivist monopoly in education ideology is calamitous. The sole curative would be a fundamental change in philosophy; that is, an acceptance of objectivist epistemology.