Contemporary definitions of bullying are strikingly in agreement that bullying represents aggressive behaviour involving premeditation, time span, power imbalance and clear role assignment. Even though useful in some situations, these premises are not as helpful if the aim is to improve the social environment in educational contexts. The aim of the present article is to argue that educators need alternative theoretical tools when attempting to improve relations between children. We argue that interpretations of bullying in educational contexts are not 'owned' by any specific party, but rather involve (1) intersubjective negotiation and (2) the co-regulative competence of educators and children. The present theoretical proposition suggests that the role of educators is not to establish who did what, how and why, but rather to acknowledge and respect the children's profound subjective experiences of the bullying situation, regardless of assigned roles in the conflict. We therefore suggest that intersubjective understanding of situations and the sensitive co-regulative competence of educators represent useful theoretical tools when dealing with systematic conflicts between children. The conclusion points out that nonpartial understanding of bullying and emotional recognition of experiences might increase children's self-awareness, making them a part of the solution rather than 'a part of the problem'.