Scads of pseudodiagnostic tests are peddled by commercial vendors who recognize that desperate educators will do almost anything to dodge an impending accountability cataclysm. And this "almost anything" includes buying tests that promise to help a teacher raise test scores--even if they don't. Accordingly, today's educators need to be aware of three types of pseudodiagnostic tests currently failing to live up to their claims. This article describes the features of these pseudodiagnostic tests: (1) The Too-Few-Items Test; (2) The Single-Trait Vertical Scale Test; and (3) The Fuzzy-Measure Test. Tips on choosing legitimate diagnostic tests are also presented.