It is often assumed that online collaborative learning is inclusive of diversity. In this exploratory paper, I challenge this notion by developing a theory which proposes that inclusion occurs through congruence between learners' social identities and the identities implicitly supported through the interactions in a particular community. To build identity congruence, e-learning communities need spaces for both commonality and diversity, and I present three paradoxes which underlie the aims of online learners and teachers to embrace diversity online. I illustrate these with some examples from online learning and teaching. The ability to "listen" to each other online offers a way forward, and the paper ends with some future possibilities about how we can ensure that e-learning communities benefit from diversity.