In every assistant professor there seems to lurk a Karate Kid seeking a Mr. Miyagi who will train his acolyte to be a skilled warrior in the art of research, teaching, and service and impart pithy life lessons along the way. Such singular folks exist. But it's far more likely that one will find several mentors who, while not well-versed in all aspects of academic life, will offer good advice in one or another area. Fair enough. One may end up going to one adviser for tips on how to teach a large lecture class and approaching another for advice on writing up the results of an experiment. Here's the danger: These various mentors are probably not limiting the scope of their advice to their actual areas of expertise. Put as kindly as possible, many a full professor presumes that attaining that status makes one sagacious in all aspects of promotion and tenure. Unfortunately, "successful" people, institutions, and companies are not always experts in the reasons for their success. In this article, the author explores the reasons why a good adviser is hard to find.