For higher education reform, most decision-makers aspire to achieving a higher participation rate and a respectable degree of excellence with diversity at the same time. But very few know exactly how. External quality assurance is a fair basis for differentiation but there can be doubt and resistance in some quarters. Stakeholder interests differ in external quality assurance. These interests, if allowed to interact in a collaborative setting, will produce an optimal equilibrium, to ensure that external quality assurance remains a soft and preferred option in the eyes of all. Ways to achieve this optimal equilibrium include a formative approach based on trust, clear criteria and procedures, self-evaluation, use of external peers, transparency and requirements like "evidence-based", "no surprises" and "right of representation".