Three letters are known to strike terror into the hearts of all soon-to-be Ph.D.s in English, French, Spanish, Italian and the other languages. They are M, L and A--the acronym for the Modern Language Association, which holds its annual conference and a job fair, whose hazards are legend, every year just days after Christmas. This article chronicles the experience of a Ph.D. candidate on the job market regarding the MLA conference which was held last month in the winter garden spot of Chicago. It presents what the Ph.D. candidate has learned on her path to the professoriate.