This article employs George Lakoff and Mark Johnson's work on metaphor (1980) to examine the current use of the term "learning outcomes" within higher education. It argues that "learning outcomes" is an ontological metaphor (education becomes focused on results that one can understand and measure) that resonates with contemporary academic capitalism. Yet because metaphors highlight some things and conceal others, thinking about teaching and disciplines using "learning outcomes" hides other dimensions of academic capitalism and obscures unquantifiable and highly complex aspects of education. Finally, the article explores ways in which an emphasis upon outcomes has consequences for the field of Religious Studies. (Contains 10 footnotes.)