While online teaching may be the wave of the future, it is not for this author, who writes "I trained for it, I tried it, and I'll never do it again." An instructor with years of experience successfully teaching in collegiate classrooms, she says online teaching does not compare. So she will chalk up her first and only venture to experience and make her way back to the traditional academy. Her five reasons why include: (1) "Virtual community" is the ultimate oxymoron; (2) The lack of immediacy in communication is maddening; (3) The quality of education is compromised in online learning; (4) Show her the money; and (5) Online teaching can be very punishing.