The authors detail an educational ethnography of a university queer cultural center's role on campus and in the surrounding community. The data include participant observation, in-depth interviews, and artifacts. The authors review lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, ally, and questioning (LGBTAQ) issues in higher education, heterosexual attitudes, and queer theory. The findings of barriers to the Center's mission plus the suicide of a Center student prompted the authors to explore research poetry as a means to express the inexpressible. Furthermore, they illustrate tensions between contemporary queer and gay theories through the telling of a "straight tale" (traditional research report) and a "gay tale" (experiential research report), interrupted with "queer tales" (poetic interludes) and "queer asides". At the heart of the tale is the transformation of the first author, a gay male, to a researcher and scholar of gay issues. This tale is therefore at all times queer, gay, and straight. (Contains 15 notes.)